"there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "yup, that was a mistake". so really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not."

17 Mayıs 2015 Pazar

No more heros here


We are all raised to be heros. This is how we gave up from the privilege of being ordinary, being vulnerable.
Sometimes its nice to leave all the burden from your shoulders and just be "another brick in the wall", so to say. Dont have to fight all the time. We should know that real difference is not in the outside but in the inside. Even though we seem just like everyone else we are unique. No need to prove that we can be a hero. We are heros in someone's heart anyway, at least for one person.
Why are we so greedy and want to be hero in everyone's heart? Why not one is enough? Why do we want things that we do not need? Not only material things , we want to own people too. Or is it only their attention we need? Are we that hungry? Who can feed us?

It is nice to walk with everyone else sometimes, going with the flow.

Why do we need the approval of other people whereas all we need approval of few people. Approval may not be the right word of choice, we need to be accepted and loved as we are. Does that mean approval? No that's something different. We just want to be a part of something, this is how we born.
We are created as a part of our mothers. We are part of something and we want to feel it. We want to feel that our presence is needed, and we want to feel that
we just do not live for nothing but there is something bigger than us. Something that actually gives meaning to our life, as if meaning could be something that can be given. You may think that you are something bigger or you may think your life more precious than cat's life or a bug's.
Why do we think that a cat can die instead of a person, in case?

Our automatic thinking patterns always make us believe that we are more important than others. Because the main instinct of ours is inherited from stone age. That is survival. It seems we still act upon those instincts even though when there is no threat to our physical existence. Because survival means physically being on earth.
All other things are internal. No one can kill your soul. Only your mind can do it. And this is why we should master the mind not the ego. Ego was a blessing old days
when humans were physically in danger but now ego is an illness for the soul. It is what stays between "you" and the mind. Like a noise, talking in the background.

It is all your fears and paranoias which were useful for keeping you alive thousand years ago. For the moment it is your biggest obstacle to freedom.Our minds need to be upgraded, just like every other application in app store. Feeling like a machine. And I am searching for what differs me from a perfectly desing artificial intelligence in a perfectly designed body?

Can someone unite all those thoughts for me please?

7 Nisan 2015 Salı

can't anybody see, we've got a war to fight

Ben neden eskisi kadar yazmıyorum? Yoksa yaşım arttıkça, yaratıcılığım mı azaldı. Hayallerim küçülmedi aslında. -just to paraphrase it- Daha gerçekçi oldum !

Bakıyorum da çok fazla şey değişmemiş ve bir o kadar da değişmiş. Sizin ne kadarınız değişti? Son 1 yılda, 5 yılda, 10 yılda. 

Değişenleri ve değişmeyenleri yazalım hadi. 

Hayatımdaki insanların %80'i değişmiş. Öyle bir %10 varki hayatımda mesafelere rağmen görüştüğüm. Ve öyle bir %80 ki her şeye rağmen görüş(e)mediğim.

Bazı korkularım kaybolmuş. Ama bir korkunun tamamıyla kaybolması çok uzun süren bir iş. O yüzden bir kısmının da bir kısmı silinmiş sadece.

İlk başarısızlığın, ilk aşkın, ilk sevgilinin, ilk aldatılmanın, ilk ihanetin, ilk ağlamanın, ilk tatilin, ilk sarhoşluğun... heyecanı gitmiş. Artık daha az mainstream ilk'ler kalmış geriye. Hayatın kabası yaşanmış kısaca.  Ben çok büyük değişiklikler yapmadığım sürece. 

Çok büyük değişikliklerin zamanı 30 - 35 'lerde geliyor sanırım, orta yaş kriziyle birlikte.

Değişmeyen en temel şey belki de soru sorma yeteneğim olmuş. Sorular değişmiş, içeriklikler farklılaşmış ama hiç kaybolmamışlar. Sadece dönüşmüşler. Bence iyi, çoğuna göre kötü.

can't anybody see, we've got a war to fight Aslında en büyük savaş kendi içinde yaşadığın. change your heart, look around you

6 Nisan 2015 Pazartesi

should I or could I let the light come in?

We all have dark corners in our being. Spots we don't want to see or we even do not want to know. This dark part of ours does not have to be heavy and negative. It could be our dreams and wishes as well as our fears and worries. So the question: Do these dark spots have to be enlightened? Maybe, they just have to stay as they are. And some of us are pushing them for coming to the light but  maybe it is just not in their nature. They are there to be dark and stay dark. We have black areas, white areas and grey areas. And that's the way it is !

For some reason, and we know the reason, we do not want to meet a part of us which are not as we want it to be. We would not want to know we are afraid of love, so we just push that feeling very deep into a space where no light comes in so that we can't see it and feel it. (until here that was all very Dexterian)

Close your eyes but the ones looking inside. This is the choice of most of us. Now open your green / blue / brown / black/ hazel eyes, look outside. For example to a screen. Many screens. Like billboards, like iphones, TV's, computer's. We love to look anything with a screen. All those colors, and texts and diagrams and graphs, and reality shows and TV series draw all our attention just like a cat is attracted to a red laser dot on the wall. The cat can't help it neither can we.

Could anyone, even the most atheist of us, say there is no hope inside of him, no wishes from the outside world, no dreams when he lay under the blanket ? I should start believing in something it is not that I am atheist. I could be, but I am not. Difference between belief and faith. I should start to have some faith in life, or whatever it is in power. That's true for most of us.

5 Kasım 2014 Çarşamba

answers that might free my mind

just take a look: http://www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/

my answers are below.

1.      How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2.     Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying
3.     If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because we are afraid and we get used to things and situtations so easly. We do not see its short, we take life for granted.
4.     When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Said even though I wanted the other way
5.      What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6.     If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
A work helps me to discover myself truely
7.      Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
For the moment settling for what i am doing
8.     If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
No change i guess
9.     To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Lets say 30 to 40 percent
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things
11.   You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
I would  say she is my friend and she is not that bad
12.  If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Do not listen to people, they do not know as it seems or as you thought
13.  Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14.  Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15.  What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Asking different questions
16.  How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
People are different
17.  What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
Have a small bag and travel for a couple of years, questions are holding me back
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
No, not for the moment
19.  If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Italy – Wine,cheese and nature
20.Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Yes, yes
21.  Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Joyful simpleton
22. Why are you, you?
I am raised this way
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
When a good friends move away
25. What are you most grateful for?
For the people I love and health
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Lose all my memories
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28.Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
Yes, no
30.What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
Moments where everybody laugh
31.  At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Each time when I left a yoga class
32. If not now, then when?

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
It would be unfair to say no, so yes
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
We miss the point
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38.Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I actually enjoy
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40.When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41.  If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
My mom
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
you know the answer
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Judgement of other people / society
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
A few months ago
48.What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
Being myself, practicing yoga ,no
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
For myself

9 Ağustos 2014 Cumartesi

benim dengemi bozmayınız

önce bunu dinle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19UMfoF1Xaw
sonra da bunu: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mBKUOAIaz4
al sana denge

Denge kelimesini ilk defa duymuyorum. Bir kez daha duymuştum "dengeni kaybetme" diye. Derinlere indikçe bulduklarınla sarhoş olabiliyormuşsun. Öyle yazıyorlar. Zaten her yoga pozunda vardır ayaklarınla yere köklenirken ellerinle gökyüzüne ulaşıyorsun. Bir aracı bir bağlantı gibisin gökle yer arasında. Ama şu da yok mu kendini bir şeylerin içinde kaybetmedikçe derinlere inemiyorsun ki. İncecik bir ipin üzerinde karşıya geçmek ister gibi. Sıraat köprüsü gibi hayat... 

Şimdi hepimizin bir hayat tarzı var. Bir de olanlar, olması gerektiğini düşündüklerimiz, öğrendiklerimiz ve dolayısıyla öğrettiklerimiz. Öğrettikçe içselleştirdiklerimiz.. Fark ettim ki ne olması gereken diye bir şey var ne de öğrediğim çoğu şeyin bir anlamı. En baştan bir işe başlamak gibi bu. Ne yani her şey boşa mıydı? Değil tabi ki, açıklanamaz, tarif edilemez bir faydası var.

"Beyninizi Formatlayın" ne kadar ticari bir bakış açısı bu. Ama bir şekilde hepimiz para kazanmayı düşünüyoruz. Ticari bakış açısı bu. 

1 Haziran 2014 Pazar

moments from heaven (cennetten gelen anlar)

Cennetten gelen anlar...

Kötüye değil iyiye odaklanmanın güzel bir yolu... Fark ediyorum ki aslında hayatımın içinde cennete layık ne kadar çok an varmış. Bundan daha iyisi olamaz dediğim zamanlar, şu an sonsuza kadar burada kalabilirim dediğim anlar. İşte o anlar cennetten gelen anlar, cennete ait dakikalar. Ama görmek lazım.

Hayatımızın bir parçası aslında tam cennetlik. Ve bunu görünce sadece derin bir nefes al, cennette olduğunu hayal et.. Çünkü öylesin. Her daim değilsin ama zaman zaman öylesin. Belki de çoğu zaman.

Deniz kenarında güzel bir kahvaltı, sevdiklerinle bir yudum şarap, kumsal güneş ve ben, bebek'te bir kahve, "seni seviyorum", "ben de seni" , sakin bir müzik ve akşam yemeği, doğa, temiz hava, bir kolumda sen bir kolumda o (sen ve o en sevdiklerim...) , deniz kenarında bir yürüyüş, eğlenceli bir piknik, hamakta sallanmak...

Bunların hepsi cennetten anlar değil mi? Ve hepimizin yaşadığı anlar.... Cenneti çok uzaklarda aramaya gerek yok, cennette ait olmak için zorlamaya, korkmaya, çabalamaya gerek yok. let it go...